cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
