I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
