I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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