Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
