a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
