God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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