That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
