i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
