I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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