My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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