My room smells like vodka and shame
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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