I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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