if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a hot homeless man
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
