I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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