He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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