Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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