Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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