yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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