I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
