Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
