Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize