Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
