Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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