i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
