she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
