somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
