The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
