I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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