Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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