imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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