Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
