Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
