I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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