I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
