I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
