What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
