We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
