I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
