I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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