they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
