oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize