there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
People with herpes should wear stickers.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They took my balls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
