I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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