I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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