oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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