my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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