Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
