I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
