i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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