She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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