He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
