I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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