I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
