I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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