4 words: hood of his car
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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