Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
