I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
