i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
