can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
