Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
