They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
