could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize