Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
