He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
