Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
