Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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