Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
