Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
