in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
