Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
