I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
