I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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