I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
