I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
