Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
