how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's the barista slut.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
