my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
