they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she peed on how many people?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
