im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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