i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
