apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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