franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
