stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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