Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
