dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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