You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does one acquire holy water?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
