M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
