You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
