Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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