Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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