I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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