super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
