it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize