You're completely useless in the revolution.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
