you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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