Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
