i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
