I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
