Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
